I hate all girls vehemently.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
