her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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