It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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