i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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