I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
