it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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