you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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