I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
