Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
