Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
