Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
