I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
love makes seman taste better
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
