he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize
