Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
