At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
