Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
