U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize