Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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