I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
