I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
