Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
