There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
In America we eat man semen.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
