your thong is hanging out like whoa
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
