So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
