Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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