I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
