While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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