Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
wanna go halves on a baby?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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