Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
