My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
