I showed him my bush... on skype.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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