so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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