if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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