i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I want a musical about memes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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