Non-Jews are for practice
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
