The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
