Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
