Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she told me i tasted like america
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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