who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
