Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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