We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
