Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
