Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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