I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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