got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
