My liver just broke up with me...
he shaved USA in his pubs
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize