My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your penis caused this!
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