apparently the secret to your success is patron
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
