I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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