Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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