my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
