from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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