the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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