exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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