I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
