I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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