God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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