i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
