so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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