Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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