Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
