There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My balls are so social today.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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