Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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