bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
