yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
