it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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