i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
