once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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